


Bound to You

by annetta23



Category: Sports RPF
Genre: Boys Kissing, Liverpool, Liverpool F.C., Love Triangles, M/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annetta23/pseuds/annetta23
Summary: When two Liverpool stars fell for sweet Adam Lallana. Who's gonna win his heart?
Relationships: Jordan Henderson/Adam Lallana, Virgil van Dijk/Adam Lallana
Comments: 46
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

“Happy birthday, Adaaam! Happy birthday, old guy!”

Bottle plug flew to the sky, and as always Trent and Andy laughed the loudest. Jumping in unison, they led the team showering the birthday boy with champagne and confetti group shots. Adam preferred low key celebrations, but this felt nice indeed. Surrounded by the lads, with allowed-for-the-night booze thanks to Klopp being an awesome manager, Adam wouldn’t change a thing.

It felt like forever when Adam finally got to sip his own drink, finished being passed from one lad to another. The room was spinning for a moment, worsened by the limited lighting in the exclusive lounge. Adam couldn’t do anything when he lost balance and the gravity was ready to catch him.

“Oh! I got you,”

The champagne spilled, but Adam exhaled in relieved. Someone was in the right time and the right place to catch him and saved him from silly embarrassment. 

Jordan Henderson. Of course it was Jordan. It seemed like he was born to make sure everything was under his control. The captain’s blue eyes observed in concern, as he snatched the tall glass from Adam and handed it to a waiter passing by.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Adam gulped, realizing he stared a bit too long at Jordan’s eyes and mouth. “Your shirt, gosh, I’m sorry,”

Jordan chuckled nonchalantly. “Hey, it’s nothing. Let’s just sit.”

A minute later, the loud lounge felt like a cozy living room. There were only Adam, Jordan, and the couch they shared. Jordan started to share the behind the scene story, how he ordered Trent and Andy to set up the surprise, and of course those clowns managed successfully only with few laughable side stories. 

Adam just listened and laughed. That’s what he did and enjoyed best; being a good listener. 

“You know,” Jordan tilted his head, “I have a good champagne too back home. We can...escape from this.”

Unbelievable. Adam felt like Jordan just read his mind. Or maybe he’s just familiar with the lads’ traits after all these years. Yeah; Adam didn’t think he’s that special. But he nodded anyway, he’d like an escape.

\--

It’s not Adam’s first time at Jordan’s apartment. He had been here, seeing all Jordan’s family and baby pictures over the fireplace. Jordan’s impressive golfing collection, to the champagne fridge he mentioned earlier.

But the bedroom? It's a foreign place Adam never thought he'd ever enter. He just realized until they were already inside, with the night lamp and even less noises, and Jordan started to unbutton his champagne-stained top. His muscled shoulders, trunk like arms, to his well defined abs slowly revealed. 

Suddenly Adam found it harder to breath.

“You wait here, OK,” Jordan walked to the bathroom. “I’m just gonna clean up a little. Make yourself comfortable.”

Here or anywhere really shouldn’t be a problem. But suddenly Adam felt nervous yet...excited? He bit his lip, remembering how his heart beat violently back in the lounge, and how he got so distracted by Jordan’s lips. 

He shouldn’t be feeling this way.

A minute later, Jordan stepped out of the bathroom. Hair slightly damped, stunningly covered in only his black boxer and untied robe. Adam had seen Jordan like so, even naked, million times before, but never in this kind of set up. Never in this...intimate proximity. 

“I wonder if,” Jordan sat down next to Adam in the bed. “We could go to dinner tomorrow, together.”

“Uh, dinner?”

“Yeah. What do you say?”

Excited. Very excited. Adam would like to say he’s so excited about it, but that wouldn’t feel right. He must be looking funny right now, but hopefully the dim lighting only from the bedside lamp would help him with the shadows.

“I...I can’t. I’m sorry.” Adam reached out and pat Jordan’s thigh. “Thank you but I can’t.”

“Ah. Got something already?” 

Why can’t he just let it go, Adam wondered, looking to the window behind Jordan, as if the city view would help eased the tension in his chest. Adam could just tell the truth, but it might cause a bigger problem. Oh, definitely a huge one. But Adam just didn’t lie, ever.

“Uh, yeah...I have promised Virgil to have dinner with him.” 

Jordan’s brows rose. Of course; nobody knew about all the texts Virgil had been sending Adam. Sweet, sweet words, from the Dutch that Adam learned just as quiet and low key as himself. Just earlier this week Virgil pulled him after practice in the car park, and proposed him for a date.

And now Jordan knew, and Adam wished he’s better in telling white lies. 

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something just didn’t click. Adam couldn’t even bother with Virgil’s smile anymore. Until they were standing together in front of Adam’s door, and Virgil took his hand, leaning in for a kiss…

Ten minutes to seven in the evening. Virgil should be here any minute to pick him up, and Adam was really looking forward to their dinner. He grabbed one of his dark button up shirts, the usual jeans, and finished just with a little hair gel. 

It’s just gonna be a casual dinner, nothing out of the ordinary.

Virgil arrived a moment later, looking really handsome and sporty as usual. His smile; Adam had to admit he loved Virgil’s killer smile. The big guy’s deep voice sounded so good everytime he spoke and laughed, Adam found himself keep turning to his side in the car just to see them.

“You happy we’re going out?” Virgil gazed to the mirror. “Am I seeing things or you really do seem...excited?”

“Hey,” Adam chuckled. “I do love your company.”

Over some Italian, Adam learned more about Virgil. His childhood, to the sacred neat bun that always secured his dark hair, leaving people to wonder if Virgil would look any different with his hair down. Yeah, even Adam never got to see it in the shower after matches or training sessions.

“I bet it looks cool,” Adam pointed his dessert fork at Virgil. “I wonder what you’d look like.”

“I’d let you. If we ever gonna share a shower together,” Virgil said firmly, “or wake up in the same bed together. You’d see what I look like,”

Would he? Adam smiled and looked down to his _panettone_. Sure he liked Virgil, really liked him actually, or he wouldn’t say yes to this dinner. But was he seeing them together, sharing-a-bed-together? Boyfriend and boyfriend together? 

Questions floated in Adam’s head for the rest of the dinner, through the ride home, to the point that he misheard some of Virgil’s words. This was silly; this was only their first date together. Why thought too far too hard?

  
  


Something just didn’t click. Adam couldn’t even bother with Virgil’s smile anymore. Until they were standing together in front of Adam’s door, and Virgil took his hand, leaning in for a kiss…

...and Adam couldn’t detect the same spark and rush he felt last night. With Jordan.

_ What happened again last night? _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their eyes met, and how Adam wished he didn’t have to question anything, and just let things be the way they would fall in places. 

_“Uh, yeah...I have promised Virgil to have dinner with him.”_

_Jordan’s brows rose, and Adam could only look down to his feet. It wouldn’t be fair to give good signals to two great lads at the same time...Would it? It would be unfair for both him and the lads. Adam wanted to do this right. He wouldn’t play around with people’s hearts._

_But...if he turned this down, how was this fair for Jordan? That Virgil was let in for having a head start, but not another man with just the same intention. This was not a race. Adam was not gonna play like he was not feeling anything towards the man right in front of him._

_So he looked up and said,_

_“But we can hang after tomorrow,”_

_Jordan’s brows rose, again, but so did his shoulders. If only he knew how shaky Adam was inside...He shouldn’t be so tense. On the other hand, being hesitant was never Jordan’s trait. Adam should have known better. His heart jumped to his throat the moment Jordan responded to his shy invitation with a firm pull._

_“After tomorrow? How about now, Ad?”_

_Adam fell to Jordan’s embrace again, only by command and not unwanted this time. He moaned when their tongues vaguely brushed...so this was how Jordan tasted. Powerful, virile, dominating, but not a bit intimidating._ _Jordan’s naked chest felt like a familiar happy place. Like home._

_“You can touch me,” Jordan muttered low, repositioning Adam’s confused wandering hand on him, before pulling them together again. They came down together, and Adam welcomed the arousing yet warm weight on top of him, swoon by the new sensations his palm discovered. Every angle, every hard curve of Jordan was a captivating revelation, from the front to the back, his beating chest to his hard abs._

_Adam would stay to learn it all. But where did they stand now? Was this a monumental night, or would just remain his birthday?_

_“You can stay,”_

_Jordan said, lying on his side once the wave settled, and their restless breaths came back normal. Their eyes met, and how Adam wished he didn’t have to question anything, and just let things be the way they would fall in places._

_But unfortunately, he’s just not like that._

_“I am going out with Virgil tomorrow. You heard me…”_

_“Yeah, so?” Jordan shrugged. “You’re not with him, and we were just making out passionately in my bed.”_

_Adam watched Jordan came closer, and their lips met again. Slow and sweet, simply assuring. Maybe tomorrow would be inevitably overwhelming, the world would want him to be sure with his heart. But now was not tomorrow. When Jordan moved down to unbutton his shirt, that's when Adam decided he's staying._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arms crossed on his chest, Jordan’s eyes were unreadable, yet his voice was daring as he spoke,
> 
> “So it’s really me against Virgil?”

Today was indeed overwhelming. All the thoughts, unanswered questions and random clouds of emotions filling Adam without mercy. He saw it coming, but Adam didn’t think it would take him all over all morning. 

His body was aching for Jordan, eyes looking for Virgil’s smile and deep laugh, while his head was pounding, ready to explode like a ticking bomb during practice.

“Adam!”

Adam was a hair away from the door in front of him, snapped back to the world when someone pulled him to the side. Beyond a deja vu, he’s back in Jordan’s arms, looking straight to the man’s eyes, but this time Adam didn’t feel like he was being saved.

“You just walked straight to that door. You okay?”

_ Definitely not.  _

“Uh..Sorry, I...was just,” Adam gulped, feeling stupid and embarrassed, “just thinking of...”

“Us?” 

Jordan guessed. Joked. Flirted. It could be anything, Adam could care less at this moment. Indeed he was thinking of Jordan, among other things, yet being in his arms felt like a sweet escape. Adam just wanted to be there without having to stress about the rollercoaster he had been pushed to ride.

“Adam? You okay?”

Some lads entered the hall, looking puzzled with the weird view but soon carried on their ways.

But Virgil stayed.

“Virgil. Yeah, I’m o-”

“He’s good with me, Virg,” Jordan nodded. Adam almost dropped his jaws. “Little guy here almost bumped the wall, thank god I got him right on time. I got him. Right, Ad?”

“Ah, cool, cool,” Virgil shrugged nonchalantly. His eyes lingered a bit longer on Jordan before he moved to Adam with a smile. “Movie at your place, right? I’ll be in my car,”

Adam waved back at Virgil, trying not to look at Jordan but the ground wouldn’t swallow him in just like that. Arms crossed on his chest, Jordan’s eyes were unreadable, yet his voice was daring as he spoke,

“So it’s really me against Virgil?”

"There’s no you against whoever,” Adam exhaled. Why was everything his call? “I don’t even know what you guys want! Virgil says he really, really likes me, but that doesn’t make us a couple. And you? Yeah, you want me, Henderson, I don’t and I can’t resist you. But where do we go from here? Being your exclusive fuck buddy?”

Adam walked away, looking for Virgil’s car, literally a getaway car. He needed to get off this clueless rollercoaster Jordan started. At least with Virgil, it’s always about having a good, chill time together. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You were okay until I found you with Hendo in the aisle. Mind to share?"

After two "Fast and Furious" movies and sweet vegan ice cream, the air felt lighter for Adam. Screaming at the non-stop car and gun action definitely helped release the tension, but Adam felt it was actually being near Virgil that did the most work. The Dutch's calm energy was contagious like a cup of tea in rainy Liverpool.

"Come here," Virgil smiled, patting the pillow in his lap once the credit started rolling. Maybe he sensed the vague energy, or just simply trying to make use of their time and the wide, comfy couch. 

Adam didn't know why, but he just obeyed.

“Talk to me," Virgil started playing with Adam's baby strands. "My instinct says something is bothering you."

"Really?" 

Professionally, Virgil's observation history never failed. That didn't seem to change now. 

"You were okay until I found you with Hendo in the aisle. Mind to share?"

What was there to share, other than a forming love triangle? That Adam was sleeping with someone the night before he let Virgil kissed him with such want? 

Gently, Adam stopped the man's hand on his crown. He better took things into his own hands, rather than keep waiting and waiting for all these guys to figure out what they wanted with him. It's mentally mental, exhausting.

"Virg. Do you really like me?"

"Lallana?” Virgil blinked, his voice was the highest Adam ever heard. “All these time, all these days trying to keep you around..."

"And I'm willingly been around you. Yeah?" Adam graced Virgil's jaw with his fingertips without thinking. The change in Virgil's eyes made him pity. "I love being around you, there's no question about that. Now...call me outdated, call me old. But...are we going somewhere from here? Anywhere?"

His expectation was vague, but not necessarily low. Adam tried to read the change in Virgil’s eyes, the pause that lingered a bit too long. 

“I really like you, there’s no doubt about that.” Virgil’s breath wrapping his words. “Somewhere-Somewhere? We are going somewhere, right? Absolutely, Adam. That’s exactly all that I want. This is not a race, Love. I am right here, whenever you need me.”

They kissed, Adam restlessly taking in all the warmth, pushing all the palpable doubts. He’s still not sharing Virgil’s vision.

“Don’t slip away...” Virgil whispered. “Why am I sensing you’re slipping?”

Humanly that made Adam feel a bit offended, sad. Wasn’t his desperation quite obvious? How was he slipping away after demanding a steady state for his feelings? After showing up all these times?

Adam bit his lip. _Maybe Virgil was right_. He’s probably, actually...slipping out of this bubble. 

Wasn’t Virgil’s observation never failed?

_\--_

Each morning driving to the training ground, Adam felt like a champion in being the strongest fighter. It’s amazing how he was holding up. Pushing through, even though this game of hearts felt rigged, one sided, and unfairly filled with riddles.

Was it just a phase, or was he shamelessly expecting too much too high? If there was really love somewhere from either of the lads, or it’s just pure misinterpreted physical attractions?

_That would be sad_ , Adam exhaled, pushing his locker close weakly. James Milner grunted hard.

“Adam, I would hate to say ‘I’ve told you’ later, you know?”

James knew everything, analyzed everything. He thought all of this was not worth the pain and time lost. Adam would love to just be logical like that, but logic did not belong to the heart. Especially a broken and confused one.

“Then don’t” Adam forced a smile. “That would be unfortunate, Milly.”

“Boys!” 

Like a thunder, Andy barged into the massage room. The clown never seemed more panicked than this.

“Milly, you should take a look at this before boss. Come here!”

“What?" James frowned, irritated, while Adam was in pure shock. "Hey, calm down,”

“I cannot! I think Virg and Hendo are trying to kill each other!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can go home and just imagine how sweet Adam opening up for you, you wanker. Dream on! And yes, indeed I am all that.”

The small indoor pitch looked like a packed cage imprisoning violent, hungry birds. Wherever Adam turned his head, there were arms raised, a punch launched, swears flowing and pleas shouted.

Adam stopped by the door; just the view made his knees feel like jello. 

“Sorry not sorry, Adam,” James shook his head. “I’ve told you so.”

That struck Adam like a sword to his heart. Coming from plain and simple James, making it even lethal. Was this his fault? Was he a siren trying to pull two innocent sailormen to deadly rocks and deep sea? He watched Virgil from afar, the man tried to break free from Becker and Lovren’s clutches.

“You hear me Mr. Captain?” Virgil spat with what Adam could only identify as great hate and disgust. “You think you’re all that? I bet Adam doesn’t want you. He just fancies you with that armband.”

“Cut it out, Virg,” Wijnaldum came, pushing his fellow back by the chest. “Stop it!”

A big, cold grin spread across Jordan’s shaky face, followed by a satisfied laugh. His eyes seemed to laugh in unison as he hissed,

“I am all that indeed, Virgil. Oh I hope you could hear how I made Adam moan and scream. I know how he tastes, Virg; so good. So sweet!”

_ What? _ Adam wished he heard wrong. Another degrading laugh from Jordan assured him that he was sadly wrong.

“I fucked him real good, real good!” Jordan carried on, pushing his chest out and proud though James, Mo and Trent tried to pull him back. “You can go home and just imagine how sweet Adam opening up for you, you wanker. Dream on! And yes, indeed I am all that.”

“Shut the fuck up!” James shouted right to Jordan’s ear. “Did you hear yourself? Seriously, Hendo?”

Virgil was obviously all fired up, ready to lunge even now there were more hands pathetically trying to hold back his tall, wide frame. Once again the pitch was a trainwreck; Adam just tried to hold his own body all alone in the corner.

He was in shock before, but now he’s feeling like a trophy slut.

“Lallana? Shut your ears now and go home. Go,”

A familiar arm came wrapped around Adam’s limp shoulders. Turning around, Adam wanted to just let it all go in Klopp’s arm. He’s strong, but not strong enough for this.

“I-I’m sorry...I…” Adam sobbed. “I don’t know what’s going on...I swear, Boss, I do-”

“Of course you don’t! Poor boy, come here,”

“What have I done…” Adam blurted out to Klopp’s chest. “I thought they...Why, why are they...How could they be so cruel?”

“No, don’t,” Klopp rocked Adam in his embrace. He continued firmly, “Do not trust crazy words angry men say. They don’t even know what they're doing. Now go home, this is an order.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d start hearing Virgil’s voice through the running water, or Jordan’s smile suddenly all over the white shower curtain.

He’s not suicidal. But maybe just a notch below that.

Adam had stopped crying and bawling to the wall, to his pillow, all day and all night. But it didn’t mean he’s feeling any better or lighter. Shower and bath time in particular was the hardest for him. It would easily send Adam somewhere deeper in his thoughts, further to the past. He’d start hearing Virgil’s voice through the running water, or Jordan’s smile suddenly all over the white shower curtain.

Before his head was completely gone, Adam stopped showering altogether.

“I said some things I shouldn’t, and I am greatly sorry,”

James Milner’s voicemail had been the only thing connecting Adam to the outer world. 

“I’m sorry, Kid. I’m sorry. I am coming to your place after training today, and please open the door. If not, I swear I would call the police. So please let me in to check on you. See ya.”

Three hours later, Adam cried again for the first time after a while, but this time James’ shoulder was there.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” James whispered. Adam simply shook his head, and James asked nothing no more. He went around the apartment, straightening things, washed an empty bowl from breakfast, and threw some things from the fridge.

“I came just to make sure you’re okay, that you eat, and just know that the lads don’t look at you any different.”

Adam didn’t know what to say.

“There are tons of messages in your phone, yeah? I’d say just open ones from Trent, or Andy. Either.”

Adam smiled a bit on that.

“And I swear I tried to refuse. But he’s the capt; and he was on his freaking knees.”

James carefully placed a single blue iris flower in a transparent wrapper on the coffee table. A fully written card attached to it. 

“Love you, kiddo. See you soon,” James said, messing with Adam’s hair before moving to the door. Right before he closed the door behind him, Adam got up and waved.

“Thanks, Milly.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Thank you, THANK YOU again for talking with ME. I’m your boy, ain’t I?” Andy shouted to his phone. “ Good choice, Adam Lad. Good choice,”

“I’m glad but you’re giving me a headache too,” Adam scoffed. “Bye. Bye, Trent. Thanks, Lads.”

“See you soon, then?” Trent rose his brows. Adam couldn’t promise, so he just replied “hopefully” before he hung up.

Maybe, just maybe, he’s gonna feel better and better from this day on. But going back to Melwood was a bit too farfetch. Was he looking forward to it? Adam couldn’t say. He still felt the most safe in his own space, with his own healing thoughts for now. 

The blue iris was staring at Adam from the coffee table. The card was still neatly untouched. The idea of exploring Jordan’t thoughts alone made Adam want to crawl back to the bed already. 

_ “Oh I hope you could hear how I made Adam moan and scream.” _

_ “I fucked him real good, real good!” _

“Fuck,” Adam rubbed his eyes immediately, as if the harder he rubbed the memories would just fade further. Or his wet, deep, gaping wound would be undone. He fumbled with his phone, fighting to pull the only logical question out of the sore cloud in his head: why iris?

Courage, hope and faith. 

Deep down Adam always knew Jordan was something else. That Jordan wouldn’t be sending him typical roses and chocolate for love or forgiveness. Adam blinked at his phone, enlightened but also taken aback by the result on the screen.

Would the card reveal more, Adam wondered, shyly intrigued. The piece was calling even louder from the table, the peeking black inked lines of words inside were waiting to be unfolded. Adam was so close to reach it, but the still-lingering pain was holding his curiosity.

Later that night, Adam had nightmares about not reading that small card.

“For the love of God,” 

Adam jumped off the bed at four AM, groggily dragged his limbs to the living room. He held his breath, and opened the card.

_ “It kills me how I hurt you. Hate me, because I do too. But please don’t push me away, Adam. Would you text me when you’re ready to meet?  _

_ Please don’t give up on me. And I was not drunk that night. _

There had only been one night Adam shared with Jordan.

*

_ “You look so hot,” Jordan bit his bottom lip, his eyes were shining with strange emotions. “God, Adam...you feel amazing. Fuck,” _

_ And Adam was shaken by all those words, as Jordan pushed in and out of him steadily. The heat, bliss, and Jordan’s fix stare at him built a great cliff of pleasure Adam tried to avoid, but he kept going to the edge. It was out of his control. In fact, Adam was losing control. _

_ “Jordan! Oh!” _

_ Adam jerked hard, helplessly reached up and weakly grabbed anything he could hold. Jordan’s arms, sweaty shoulder, his tense neck. All while shooting himself empty all over.  _

_ Wild and hungry, Jordan’s eyes explored his view that was Adam’s sweat-slicked, cum-drenched abs and fit torso. They’re telling unknown stories in his head; Adam would take whatever role he was playing there. He crawled and opened his mouth, ready for Jordan whenever he fell off the edge. Jordan’s fluttering eyes were cue. _

_ And they came down together, falling hard on the same pillow. Adam was literally smiling spitting cum while trying to catch his breath. Jordan managed to snatch someone’s boxer, softly wiping Adam’s chin. _

_ “Look at you,” Jordan shook his head. “I mean...Really? Seriously? How lucky I am?” _

_ Adam blushed. He couldn’t even speak. If he was speechless, the next thing Jordan said had sent Adam to another level of dysfunctional. _

_ “I love you,” Jordan stared deep into Adam’s wide eyes. No smile, no cheeky eyes. “Yeah, I think I’ve been in love with you,” _

_ “Jordan,” Adam choked. “I think you’re drunk.” _

_ Was he? _


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s like holding a lifeless stranger, beyond scary. Adam wished there’s still time to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're champions! Congrats, Mugsmashers!

The healing was still going, not any faster or easier compared to yesterday. If it was a stab wound, then it’s no longer gaping and bleeding. Ignoring the lasting sore, putting on his big boy pants, this morning Adam decided he was ready to heal. 

Waiting for that knock on his door, Adam thought he’s preparing for fear, or sadness, or anger to pull him back to misery. As bad as they would be, at least he’s prepared. But nothing prepared Adam’s heart for the shape Jordan was in once he opened the door.

It’s one of those looks of horror, when you knew something great was consuming someone from within. Ugly black rings surrounded Jordan’s eyes, framed by his bulging cheekbones. It’s obvious Jordan was lighter by no less than ten pounds.

Questions and hesitant ideas were popping furiously in Adam’s head as they made their way inside. Jordan looked even worse under the light coming from the window, Adam couldn’t even look. It’s beyond sad.

“What happened?” Adam stepped closer and caressed Jordan’s cheek. “Jordan?”

The touch seemed to startle Jordan, as if he’s not worthy of it. He closed his eyes, clinged to Adam’s fingers with both hands like it was the air. In silence, he was pleading for forgiveness and everything he had caused.

“I love you,” Jordan whispered. “I swear I never meant to hurt you even just a bit. I must have lost you in any way possible now...Adam, I’m really sorry. I’m so sorry,”

That apology sounded like a goodbye, and Adam didn’t want to say goodbye. He pulled Jordan to his embrace, feeling like crying himself. Whatever happened to Jordan, the man that was born to take care of the world? His very own world was crumbling right in Adam’s arms.

“Jordan, look at me,”

It was not the same, strong body that Adam admired on his birthday night as well. It’s like holding a lifeless stranger, beyond scary. Adam wished there’s still time to save him.

“It took some time, but eventually I realized why you did what you did. Why you said all those words,” Adam nodded, pulling Jordan by the chin.

“You know what? Virgil is great, but my heart only beats faster for you. Jordan, I love you too...I forgive you. Don’t beat yourself,”

They met in a gentle kiss, as Adam closed the small gap between them. His chest was not as tight anymore, because there’s a new spark in Jordan’s blue eyes once they let go. 

They settled on the corner of the couch, back in each other’s arms. Adam hugged tight, planting soft kisses, again, to Jordan’s temple. That moment he realized, Jordan had given up completely, thinking he had ruined everything. Maybe he even came just so he could be officially done in Adam’s hand, paying for his mistake.

“Did you say…” Jordan frowned.

“I love you,” Adam smiled. He would say it again and again. “Nobody ever touched me the way you did that night. I’ve loved you ever since. I’m sorry too...I shouldn’t have carried on with Virgil.”

What a journey to get here. Adam never thought finding love would mean having to suffer and get broken first. He laid his head on Jordan’s shoulder, met by Jordan’s arm pulling him closer firmly. Protective, needy. 

This was the old and real Jordan that Adam admired and fell in love with.

“Let’s move on from all this,” Jordan mumbled, kissing Adam hard on top of his head. “But I’m eternally sorry and I will make it up to you. In any ways, forever.”

“Didn’t you just say ‘move on’?” Adam rolled his eyes, and Jordan could only shrug. But he’s smiling, with that familiar fire in his eyes. The fire that Adam knew had always proved any doubts wrong.

“There you are,” Adam smiled, falling in love all over again. Jordan was back.


End file.
